My Story

On Dec. 16, 2015, we got the call that my older brother Ian had committed suicide with a shotgun in his apartment. It was only two days away from his birthday, which he shared with our father. He was turning 20 and their birthday plan was to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens together in a theater. 

Ian

Ian was an incredibly charming fellow. It's a common thing to say about people, especially deceased people, but there was something about Ian that made you unable to help but love him. Maybe it was sense of humor, or his great style, or the fact that he always seemed so comfortable in himself - it made everyone around him feel comfortable, as well. 

He was born in 1995, and I followed 5 years later. The same year I was born, Ian was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, also known as Juvenile Diabetes. He was only 5 years old, but he adapted fast and always had a good attitude. Although he had every right, I rarely heard him complain about his incurable, annoying condition. I always dreamed that he would get to have at least a few days where he did not have to inject himself with insulin before or after a meal. Unfortunately, this will now never happen.

Ian started programming when he was 7 years old. He was a phenomenal programmer, and always aspired to make the most beautiful code he could. He got an internship at Axosoft when he was 16 years old. The next year, at 17 years old, he moved out of the house and into a nice apartment in Scottsdale. He moved back and forth a bit between two wonderful jobs with bosses who appreciated him (all but the one who couldn't make it spoke at his memorial service and were genuinely emotional) but ultimately settled at HiringSolved. He loved his job and his coworkers, and he made 6 figures at age 19! One of his bosses often said that he would "Rather have 1 Ian than 10 Stanford CS [computer science] grads."

The last time we saw Ian was at our mother's birthday, the 11th. We had dinner at her favorite Korean restaurant, went for a walk at a Christmas lights event at our park, and laughed our heads off over Ian and our father buying Mom the same gift. Just five days later, Dad got the news that Ian hadn't come to work, and that they were going to do a welfare check at his apartment. Then came The News, that he had taken his own life with a firearm. Two days later, Dad and I went to see The Force Awakens together, and we tried to make the best of what was a terrible day. I think it being only two days after may have helped a bit, since the shock had not yet worn off. 

Ian with his "Z," the Nissan he loved so much

Since Ian was 5 years older than me, we were never best buds. But he was always a great sibling to me, and even while he was alive I often said to myself how lucky I was to have a brother like him. I knew that he knew I loved him, but now I can only hope he knew just how much. On the day he died (Dec. 16) we received many Christmas and birthday gifts for him (we're procrastinators). We got the books I was so excited to give him, the prayer candle of The Dude from the Big Lebowski from Mom, and a Phoenix Suns jersey from Mom and Dad. But I also received a birthday gift from him that day, a game for the DS. A few days later, I got a Christmas gift from him. There was also a pile of gifts in his apartment, but unfortunately we don't know who exactly they were meant for. 

And that's the kind of person Ian was. Although he was a sarcastic, hot-headed, occasionally arrogant smartass, he was also caring, compassionate, and loving. He was a great big brother, a great friend, a great nephew, and a great son. Whatever he was going through (even if it was not as bad as it seems from the outside), he still made sure his family had birthday and Christmas gifts.